Story collectors
“When I was a boy ,I was not the nicest,” he said with a wince of hesitation. “ I would manipulate those around me, specifically my parents, with lies and false truths.”
“Tell me more about that,” I responded. “Do you remember a specific time when that happened? Tell me about that time. I want to hear details.”
And so he began. He told me about when he wanted to go to his friend’s house for a sleepover. He was only allowed to go if his homework had been completed and his room had been cleaned. Usually he would clean his room and do his homework before asking to go do something. This time however, he had no desire to do either of these things. This time he had merely shoved everything into his closet and under his bed, making his room appear clean. Furthermore he had not finished his homework. He had started it, and left a pile of blank papers where his finished homework went, with only the top paper finished.
“I had every intention to finish it when I got home the next day and I was also planning on putting the things away that I had shoved into the crevices of my room. But I did not want to do it that day,” he told me. He went on to tell me that, in fact, he had cleaned everything and done his homework, not the next day, but in the following days after getting back from his friends house.
He was a good boy, or at least appeared to be to his parents. But he hid things and told half truths and even full lies to get what he wanted. He told me all this with a twinge of regret, but also with a dose of confidence. I asked him if he still manipulates the truth to get what he wants. He responded that in fact he still did to a certain degree. He confided in me that he is afraid of this power he has to get what he wants through the manipulation of the truth and others. I asked him to tell me about a time in his recent history, in the last couple months, that he had bent the truth to get what he wanted. He obliged me with a long pause where he thought of an appropriate example. He then started again and told me of a time recently that he had manipulated a professor into giving him an extension on an assignment.
I listened with eagerness and empathy, for I am a story collector. As a therapist, I collect stories from the people I interact with. Story collecting is the foundation of my profession. Without stories, there is no framework for understanding, and without understanding, no meaning can be extracted and applied to a person’s life. Stories are the building blocks of our lives and those who listen with the intent of creating meaning out of them hold a unique place in society.
Throughout human history there have always been story collectors. Oftentimes they are called historians. Historians listen to, research, categorize and commemorate the large events of time. This is a job of utmost importance. Isaac Newton spoke to the importance of such people when he said “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” This simply means that the stories of those great men and women who have come before us shape the landscape of our own thinking and understanding, allowing us to see further than we could without them.
Story collecting is not reserved for only historians however. Therapists are story collectors as well, albeit of a different kind. Where historians commemorate the large events of the world, therapists collect the individual stories of everyday people. Not all stories change the world or society. All stories are important however. Your story and my story matter to us more than the big events of history and the stories of some old dead person. Our stories are real to us where foreign stories are just that, foreign. Each individual story matters to the person who is living it. Moreover, it is important to those it affects, the loved ones, the major and minor characters in the story.
Therefore, it is the therapist's job to collect stories of individuals, not for the grand history of the world, but rather for the specific person who told the story. For the collection of stories is twofold. There is the storyteller and the story collector or the one who hears the story. The act of telling a story is a cathartic experience, especially if it is a personal and emotional story to the person telling it. But then there is the story collector. The story collector not only provides a place for the storyteller to express themselves and find catharsis through telling their story, but the story collector hears and then creates meaning of the story told to them.
The creation of meaning is the important role of the story collector therapist. We look for and see patterns in stories. We bring these patterns to the attention of the client and collaborate with them to make meaning of these insights. It is through this act that the story collector moves beyond just someone who listens to stories. A story collector provides wisdom through partnering with the client to create meaning.
Story collectors have a unique place in society. It is a profession by nature that sees the most personal parts of a person’s life. There are other professions that see intimate details of a person such as a doctor interacting with the physical health of a person, or a financial advisor seeing the trail of money that is unique to each individual. But a therapist attempts to gather the whole story of a person. They want to know every part of a person, the emotional, relational, spiritual, physical, financial and career. They hold all these parts together and find congruence in them. They see people in a holistic way that maybe only a few others, maybe even no one in their life see
Story collectors not only hear stories, but protect them. They are sworn to secrecy with only very few exceptions. This is the most vital role of a story collector. Without this rule, stories may not be told. There is safety in sworn secrecy. Confidentiality is security. The story collector holds the stories of many people, loading the story collector down with a delightful burden.
The role of a therapist story collector is a wonderful and necessary role in society. Without them people would be weighed down by the load of the weight of their own stories. By unloading them onto a therapist they are able to release the tension their own lives hold and move on with less stress and weight upon them that comes from being the only one who holds their story. The story collector holds stories so that others do not have to.
